Will to Choose

Free will and rational thought. For all intents and purposes, we claim that these are two among our accolades that set us apart from the animal world and allow us to experience the glory that we know as, human.

Why then, as I've pondered, do we in our weakest moments respond without any clear indication of either ability? Why is it that in painful or threatening moments we act no better than the animals we claim to be so far above?

When all is said and done, we act on instinct - one that tells us to avoid pain and seek pleasure. But what, then, do we do when that pleasure is what brings pain? When you feel inadequate around the ones you most adore, when the ones you love most break your heart, and the light that once shown upon you grows cloudy? Are we prepared, by instinct, to process what that juxtaposition makes us question?

Yet in that question, do we really have a choice?

Recently I've been told that, in these instances, I choose one of two options: accept apology and let it go or stay hurt and move on. Let it go or move on. Sounds simple enough, rational and logical. For all intents and purposes, it is. If we look at any number of instances in our lives we can generally see one of two options, fine. But where in this might we factor in variables? Where might we discuss the emotion behind what complicates what we would like to feel so simple? Can we?

In moments where we hold full accountability, maybe. And maybe even more so when accountability simply cannot be placed. For in those moments, who is to blame but the moment itself? Who needs to fix it but time?

What them, if someone is accountable? If and when that is claimed, should it be enough?

As a woman, a love and a self-proclaimed romantic, I've been misled to believe that the ones that love us do so devotedly, responsibly and committed. I've been misled to believe that the ones we "choose" don't cause pain, and in the rare occasion that they do, fight for us to reclaim their love. So where does that leave us if they don't? Is it a choice to feel disappointed or simply a response to what I have been cultured to long for?

Regardless, should that longing be condemned? That being asked, is that something that we have the choice to change?

Choosing Self

I can't remember a time I lost words for every heartbeat... each breath spoke word into script lost between my world and that in which I fell confined...

Yet today, I write words in new form... words that remain unspoken except for the depth in which I feel them burn. Those we feel, yet never dream of speaking them aloud for fear that in giving them tone, they become real.

It's hard to believe that one might deny words their power, or rather, deny the power in words, as each uttered note vibrates deep into who we are, and who we will become... The question that remains unknown is whether or not we have choice in how we feel it. For if we do, why then do we choose to hold on to the words that pack the hardest punch and worse, the ones that turn us into people we can't recognize?

I don't recognize myself.

Welcome Home. From, Written Word.

Why...

in great happiness do we forget that from where it comes?
only in sorrow are we reminded?

do we retreat not only from the pain, but from the few things in which we may actually find happiness, love? And in that retreat, desire sabotage...