Free will and rational thought. For all intents and purposes, we claim that these are two among our accolades that set us apart from the animal world and allow us to experience the glory that we know as, human.
Why then, as I've pondered, do we in our weakest moments respond without any clear indication of either ability? Why is it that in painful or threatening moments we act no better than the animals we claim to be so far above?
When all is said and done, we act on instinct - one that tells us to avoid pain and seek pleasure. But what, then, do we do when that pleasure is what brings pain? When you feel inadequate around the ones you most adore, when the ones you love most break your heart, and the light that once shown upon you grows cloudy? Are we prepared, by instinct, to process what that juxtaposition makes us question?
Yet in that question, do we really have a choice?
Recently I've been told that, in these instances, I choose one of two options: accept apology and let it go or stay hurt and move on. Let it go or move on. Sounds simple enough, rational and logical. For all intents and purposes, it is. If we look at any number of instances in our lives we can generally see one of two options, fine. But where in this might we factor in variables? Where might we discuss the emotion behind what complicates what we would like to feel so simple? Can we?
In moments where we hold full accountability, maybe. And maybe even more so when accountability simply cannot be placed. For in those moments, who is to blame but the moment itself? Who needs to fix it but time?
What them, if someone is accountable? If and when that is claimed, should it be enough?
As a woman, a love and a self-proclaimed romantic, I've been misled to believe that the ones that love us do so devotedly, responsibly and committed. I've been misled to believe that the ones we "choose" don't cause pain, and in the rare occasion that they do, fight for us to reclaim their love. So where does that leave us if they don't? Is it a choice to feel disappointed or simply a response to what I have been cultured to long for?
Regardless, should that longing be condemned? That being asked, is that something that we have the choice to change?
Monday, August 15, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Choosing Self
I can't remember a time I lost words for every heartbeat... each breath spoke word into script lost between my world and that in which I fell confined...
Yet today, I write words in new form... words that remain unspoken except for the depth in which I feel them burn. Those we feel, yet never dream of speaking them aloud for fear that in giving them tone, they become real.
It's hard to believe that one might deny words their power, or rather, deny the power in words, as each uttered note vibrates deep into who we are, and who we will become... The question that remains unknown is whether or not we have choice in how we feel it. For if we do, why then do we choose to hold on to the words that pack the hardest punch and worse, the ones that turn us into people we can't recognize?
I don't recognize myself.
Yet today, I write words in new form... words that remain unspoken except for the depth in which I feel them burn. Those we feel, yet never dream of speaking them aloud for fear that in giving them tone, they become real.
It's hard to believe that one might deny words their power, or rather, deny the power in words, as each uttered note vibrates deep into who we are, and who we will become... The question that remains unknown is whether or not we have choice in how we feel it. For if we do, why then do we choose to hold on to the words that pack the hardest punch and worse, the ones that turn us into people we can't recognize?
I don't recognize myself.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Welcome Home. From, Written Word.
Why...
in great happiness do we forget that from where it comes?
only in sorrow are we reminded?
do we retreat not only from the pain, but from the few things in which we may actually find happiness, love? And in that retreat, desire sabotage...
in great happiness do we forget that from where it comes?
only in sorrow are we reminded?
do we retreat not only from the pain, but from the few things in which we may actually find happiness, love? And in that retreat, desire sabotage...
Friday, March 23, 2007
Celebrity
This morning, February 23, a full two weeks after the death of Anna Nicole Smith, and still I turn on CNN to find full coverage of the court battle over her remains and her most recent child. I mean this in no way to disrespect her or her family and in no way to be insensitive to the tragedy of her death... however, I can't help but question our plight to follow the family's every move... I can't help but question our obsession over a life and death that provided the whole of our society with no more than a "present day Marilyn Monroe"... a model, an actress, a weight-loss campaign... a sex symbol.
Why is it that more than two weeks after her death we are still bombarded by pictures and stories of her life when, day after day, more and more soldiers are dying on the frontlines of the war that we sent them into and I have not heard of a single story of the life that they once lived, the family that they have left behind, or the tragedy of their death? Instead we are given numbers... five soldiers today, fifteen two weeks ago, thousands on the whole... thousands of stories, of sons, daughters, fathers and mothers... thousands of names and pictures that we have never seen but that we have lost forever.
The question of why seems simple to answer... we are being distracted... we are being allowed to forget about the guilt that we might otherwise feel for sending such innocent men and women into a battle that we know could not be won... into a battle that we know is so unnecessary. However, the question of why no one cares is one that I cannot shake. Why do we allow ourselves to continue to let such trivialities of fame, wealth, and sex manipulate our realities? The realities created by publicists and directors are not the ones that we live and not the ones that will shape our futures or touch our hearts. Instead, we can share the realities of the lives lost, and yet, those realities are the ones that we allow to be forgotten.
Why is it that more than two weeks after her death we are still bombarded by pictures and stories of her life when, day after day, more and more soldiers are dying on the frontlines of the war that we sent them into and I have not heard of a single story of the life that they once lived, the family that they have left behind, or the tragedy of their death? Instead we are given numbers... five soldiers today, fifteen two weeks ago, thousands on the whole... thousands of stories, of sons, daughters, fathers and mothers... thousands of names and pictures that we have never seen but that we have lost forever.
The question of why seems simple to answer... we are being distracted... we are being allowed to forget about the guilt that we might otherwise feel for sending such innocent men and women into a battle that we know could not be won... into a battle that we know is so unnecessary. However, the question of why no one cares is one that I cannot shake. Why do we allow ourselves to continue to let such trivialities of fame, wealth, and sex manipulate our realities? The realities created by publicists and directors are not the ones that we live and not the ones that will shape our futures or touch our hearts. Instead, we can share the realities of the lives lost, and yet, those realities are the ones that we allow to be forgotten.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Other Side of the World
It's funny how you can go somewhere so distant, so many miles and hours away, and yet fall so suddenly into that lifestyle that it seems as though you have lived there forever. How is it that with the mere commonality of the human race you are able to acknowledge others, share with them, even live with them... how is it that you are able to so easily make them smile and laugh? And why is it that these are the most difficult things to do when we return home? Why is it that we feel the need to go so far away only to truly appreciate what we have at our fingertips right in front of us?
My return from Thailand was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to adjust to in my entire life. It's funny how being away sounds like it should be so foreign, and yet, the return is even more foreign than the departure. I've been bak for nearly a month and until now, I distressed over my inability to process and write about my experience. Everyday we live our lives as we have grown to understand since birth. Without question we follow the practice of those we see in front of us and we conform to the only life we've ever known. We like to use this excuse in defense against our own ignorance and overindulgence. When we see countries and communities, lives and lifestyles, with little to nothing of the everyday comforts that we call, "necessities of life". We excuse their undying happiness by saying that, "they don't know what they're missing". Sure, we argue, it's easy for people to live with nothing because nothing is all they've ever known. But for us to find permanent happiness is impossible... for we have memories to look back on and fill our longing. We have things to fill in the blanks of, "I can't wait to get back to __", but for them, they need not fill that blank... for they face not a return but a continuation... a continuation of the only life they've led since birth. This isn't some definitive amount of time that they must simply survive... this is life. Thus, our resistance to simplicity is justifiable because of the way we have been nurtured. And again, we allow ourselves to pass the blame onto anything besides our own responsibility. We play the card of nature versus nurture instead of taking the responsibility to understand that although we have each been nurtured differently, our nature is still the same and it is one that we should take the time and effort to know and hold pride in.
In our society we are taught to fear life. Every generation is continually taught new ways to protect themselves against the things that will supposedly hinder their development... taught to avoid anything that might possibly put them in harm's way. What we ultimately forget, however, is that this much protection is only protecting us from life itself... and the only thing we really end up avoiding is life itself. We learn to protect ourselves so much that we not only seclude ourselves from our natural lives but we seclude ourselves from the very foundation of our natural beings... each other. Suddenly, we are taught to not only fear one another but, even worse... to compete against one another. We are not conditioned to fear the loss of another person, but rather... we are conditioned to fear losing to them. We convince ourselves that we live in a world with so many choices and opportunities to better ourselves... when, in all honesty, the only choice we have is to be better than the person next to us. It's funny that the more we strive to compete and the higher we get in life the more people we turn around and thank for where we have gotten. Ironically, in response we should ultimately question our personal state of power against the amount of people required to gain that power... because even power itself cannot be gained unless there are other people around to gain it from. It's sad that regardless of how you look at it, you can't deny the communal nature of our human existence and yet we continuously find ways to resist against it. In everything from the most obvious forms of media or pop culture that emphasize the importance of the individual.. to the most subtle aspects of our everyday lives and decor... our society is constantly reminded of the fact that each individual person is more important tot him or herself.... first and foremost.
First and foremost... this ideal is something we try to deny in our personal lifestyles.... but when we look at the most basic design of our houses, it is easy to see how personal and individual our society truly is in comparison. Never before living in the village have I encountered a home that didn't have a single mirror. However odd it might sound, I can't explain how great it felt to not have to look at myself for nearly two weeks... because regardless of what kind of hair day I was having, the people in the village were going to respect me just the same... and I would return that action. Our impact on them wasn't condition on how satisfied we were with our appearance, but rather, how satisfied we could be with the work we had done. In such situations, you quickly begin to realize how insignificant you are in relation to the whole... the whole of your group, your community, the world... or how insignificant and ridiculous the thought of self admiration truly is.
Free from any distraction of self-admiration I found refuge in the admiration of those that I shared a community with. With this admiration I saw such purity in the eyes of such dirty faces...I found strength in arms and bodies so frail. Through them I experienced life where death came second nature and pure love in a culture where affection was ignored.... and with this, I couldn't help but grow even more inquisitive as to the envy of our "ideal" lifestyle and disgusted by the priorities that such envy would entice... The only thing I could be sure of was that upon my return, this could never be fully understood.
A good friend of mine recently asked, "What do you tell people when you tell them about Thailand"? As I sat there looking blankly into his eyes I realized sadly that I had yet to say much of anything about my trip. He told me that for each person, each friend, and each part of his life he would have to change his emphasis... but for me, regardless of how much I catered my story to my direct audience, it would never be the same as what I could see in my mind... and the thought of lessening the experience or misguiding an understanding of that place and culture is something I could never live with doing. This question, however, was one that refused to leave my mind as I continued on through the rest of the night... was the question of, "Thailand", one that I avoided because of my inability to fully express the experience or because of my inability to even fully understand it myself? The excess of emotion and observation that came toward me, the life that I was living, the air that I was breathing so many miles away pushed me into a sensory overload that my body was simply unable to fully comprehend. Instead, every part of me strove to engulf myself in the world that I knew so little about... and only now can I understand how deeply that boundless embrace truly touched my heart and will remain with me forever.
And yet, this depth is exactly what causes such a detriment to my experience as well... how can I take something so deep in my heard and fully allow another human being to experience that through the eyes of his or her own mind and heart? The sad truth of the matter is that we can't. So where do we go from here? We have this amazing experience, understanding, and love for a life that we will never be able to completely or concretely represent. During my time in the village it was as if I had closed my eyes for years and was reborn with new sight. Every color, every person, and every view was like something i had never seen before... I looked at everything as if I would never personally see it again... but remembered it perfectly every time I closed my eyes. So maybe that's the trick for understanding... maybe I will never be able to share this with those who could not personally own the experience, with those who have not allowed themselves to rebuild their way of looking at the world. We have these structures that we conform to and allow to lead our lives... and although we might pretend to allow ourselves to break from the monotony, the truth is that when all is said and done we still allow it to run our lives. Upon my return from Thailand, what happened to the life lifestyle I so quickly had grown to love?
I returned to the states with new ideas of travel, new gifts for my community, and a new outlook on life in the village... but the learning is far from over... and the question remains, how can this newness continue to pervade throughout the reality that we call our every day liveS? Instead of the newness that we were exposed to we revert to the exact life that we said we so desperately wanted to escape from.... but how does that happen so quickly? and what happens next? In this sense, would it have been different had we only raised the money to then send an even bigger check? Could they have built a larger bank? Bought more food? Improved more of their center? Or was the mere fact of our personal presence enough to really make the difference that I so strongly advocate between simple service and continued action? The difference between a donation and a real person? The difference between a new material or a lifelong relationship? It didn't matter where we were from, how long we were staying, or how much money we brought... all that mattered was that we were there to begin with. When the community looks back on our time, when the story is retold... will we really be a lasting relationship and an honest blessing?... or will we simply be another group of Americans making a skeptical of their sacred lives? I can only hope that when the village looks on their rice bank they will remember the people whom brought the project with them, and not just the check that allowed it to begin.
I don't cry much... and I don't cry often... but upon leaving this all behind I lost the strength in my heart and I lost many tears. I cried not for fear or loss... for pain or disappointment... not for distance... but for love. A love so genuinely and unconditionally requited, but a love that might never be lived again. I cried for a goodbye... for a life that can never be accurately exposed... I cried for the unavoidable end but smiled at the opportunity for change.
So what now? Where do we go from here and how do we turn this service into an action that will truly continue to impact our world even after we are no longer able to live it? What I have found is that the most important step is to accept and understand that a step must be made... we must find, we must create, we must develop a beginning. We must accept that this beginning is the beginning of change and a change that may lack a definition. We must accept the reality of the present, the failure of the past, and open our eyes to the hope of the future that lies ahead. We must accept that the unknown is the only known truth and the only known reality... we must expect nothing but hope for it all.
My return from Thailand was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to adjust to in my entire life. It's funny how being away sounds like it should be so foreign, and yet, the return is even more foreign than the departure. I've been bak for nearly a month and until now, I distressed over my inability to process and write about my experience. Everyday we live our lives as we have grown to understand since birth. Without question we follow the practice of those we see in front of us and we conform to the only life we've ever known. We like to use this excuse in defense against our own ignorance and overindulgence. When we see countries and communities, lives and lifestyles, with little to nothing of the everyday comforts that we call, "necessities of life". We excuse their undying happiness by saying that, "they don't know what they're missing". Sure, we argue, it's easy for people to live with nothing because nothing is all they've ever known. But for us to find permanent happiness is impossible... for we have memories to look back on and fill our longing. We have things to fill in the blanks of, "I can't wait to get back to __", but for them, they need not fill that blank... for they face not a return but a continuation... a continuation of the only life they've led since birth. This isn't some definitive amount of time that they must simply survive... this is life. Thus, our resistance to simplicity is justifiable because of the way we have been nurtured. And again, we allow ourselves to pass the blame onto anything besides our own responsibility. We play the card of nature versus nurture instead of taking the responsibility to understand that although we have each been nurtured differently, our nature is still the same and it is one that we should take the time and effort to know and hold pride in.
In our society we are taught to fear life. Every generation is continually taught new ways to protect themselves against the things that will supposedly hinder their development... taught to avoid anything that might possibly put them in harm's way. What we ultimately forget, however, is that this much protection is only protecting us from life itself... and the only thing we really end up avoiding is life itself. We learn to protect ourselves so much that we not only seclude ourselves from our natural lives but we seclude ourselves from the very foundation of our natural beings... each other. Suddenly, we are taught to not only fear one another but, even worse... to compete against one another. We are not conditioned to fear the loss of another person, but rather... we are conditioned to fear losing to them. We convince ourselves that we live in a world with so many choices and opportunities to better ourselves... when, in all honesty, the only choice we have is to be better than the person next to us. It's funny that the more we strive to compete and the higher we get in life the more people we turn around and thank for where we have gotten. Ironically, in response we should ultimately question our personal state of power against the amount of people required to gain that power... because even power itself cannot be gained unless there are other people around to gain it from. It's sad that regardless of how you look at it, you can't deny the communal nature of our human existence and yet we continuously find ways to resist against it. In everything from the most obvious forms of media or pop culture that emphasize the importance of the individual.. to the most subtle aspects of our everyday lives and decor... our society is constantly reminded of the fact that each individual person is more important tot him or herself.... first and foremost.
First and foremost... this ideal is something we try to deny in our personal lifestyles.... but when we look at the most basic design of our houses, it is easy to see how personal and individual our society truly is in comparison. Never before living in the village have I encountered a home that didn't have a single mirror. However odd it might sound, I can't explain how great it felt to not have to look at myself for nearly two weeks... because regardless of what kind of hair day I was having, the people in the village were going to respect me just the same... and I would return that action. Our impact on them wasn't condition on how satisfied we were with our appearance, but rather, how satisfied we could be with the work we had done. In such situations, you quickly begin to realize how insignificant you are in relation to the whole... the whole of your group, your community, the world... or how insignificant and ridiculous the thought of self admiration truly is.
Free from any distraction of self-admiration I found refuge in the admiration of those that I shared a community with. With this admiration I saw such purity in the eyes of such dirty faces...I found strength in arms and bodies so frail. Through them I experienced life where death came second nature and pure love in a culture where affection was ignored.... and with this, I couldn't help but grow even more inquisitive as to the envy of our "ideal" lifestyle and disgusted by the priorities that such envy would entice... The only thing I could be sure of was that upon my return, this could never be fully understood.
A good friend of mine recently asked, "What do you tell people when you tell them about Thailand"? As I sat there looking blankly into his eyes I realized sadly that I had yet to say much of anything about my trip. He told me that for each person, each friend, and each part of his life he would have to change his emphasis... but for me, regardless of how much I catered my story to my direct audience, it would never be the same as what I could see in my mind... and the thought of lessening the experience or misguiding an understanding of that place and culture is something I could never live with doing. This question, however, was one that refused to leave my mind as I continued on through the rest of the night... was the question of, "Thailand", one that I avoided because of my inability to fully express the experience or because of my inability to even fully understand it myself? The excess of emotion and observation that came toward me, the life that I was living, the air that I was breathing so many miles away pushed me into a sensory overload that my body was simply unable to fully comprehend. Instead, every part of me strove to engulf myself in the world that I knew so little about... and only now can I understand how deeply that boundless embrace truly touched my heart and will remain with me forever.
And yet, this depth is exactly what causes such a detriment to my experience as well... how can I take something so deep in my heard and fully allow another human being to experience that through the eyes of his or her own mind and heart? The sad truth of the matter is that we can't. So where do we go from here? We have this amazing experience, understanding, and love for a life that we will never be able to completely or concretely represent. During my time in the village it was as if I had closed my eyes for years and was reborn with new sight. Every color, every person, and every view was like something i had never seen before... I looked at everything as if I would never personally see it again... but remembered it perfectly every time I closed my eyes. So maybe that's the trick for understanding... maybe I will never be able to share this with those who could not personally own the experience, with those who have not allowed themselves to rebuild their way of looking at the world. We have these structures that we conform to and allow to lead our lives... and although we might pretend to allow ourselves to break from the monotony, the truth is that when all is said and done we still allow it to run our lives. Upon my return from Thailand, what happened to the life lifestyle I so quickly had grown to love?
I returned to the states with new ideas of travel, new gifts for my community, and a new outlook on life in the village... but the learning is far from over... and the question remains, how can this newness continue to pervade throughout the reality that we call our every day liveS? Instead of the newness that we were exposed to we revert to the exact life that we said we so desperately wanted to escape from.... but how does that happen so quickly? and what happens next? In this sense, would it have been different had we only raised the money to then send an even bigger check? Could they have built a larger bank? Bought more food? Improved more of their center? Or was the mere fact of our personal presence enough to really make the difference that I so strongly advocate between simple service and continued action? The difference between a donation and a real person? The difference between a new material or a lifelong relationship? It didn't matter where we were from, how long we were staying, or how much money we brought... all that mattered was that we were there to begin with. When the community looks back on our time, when the story is retold... will we really be a lasting relationship and an honest blessing?... or will we simply be another group of Americans making a skeptical of their sacred lives? I can only hope that when the village looks on their rice bank they will remember the people whom brought the project with them, and not just the check that allowed it to begin.
I don't cry much... and I don't cry often... but upon leaving this all behind I lost the strength in my heart and I lost many tears. I cried not for fear or loss... for pain or disappointment... not for distance... but for love. A love so genuinely and unconditionally requited, but a love that might never be lived again. I cried for a goodbye... for a life that can never be accurately exposed... I cried for the unavoidable end but smiled at the opportunity for change.
So what now? Where do we go from here and how do we turn this service into an action that will truly continue to impact our world even after we are no longer able to live it? What I have found is that the most important step is to accept and understand that a step must be made... we must find, we must create, we must develop a beginning. We must accept that this beginning is the beginning of change and a change that may lack a definition. We must accept the reality of the present, the failure of the past, and open our eyes to the hope of the future that lies ahead. We must accept that the unknown is the only known truth and the only known reality... we must expect nothing but hope for it all.
Monday, January 1, 2007
New Year's Resolution
The one, the many, the broken, New Years Resolution.
Why do we constantly feel the need to judge our past, control our present, and determine our future? Why do we feel that we need a proclamation to make a difference in our lives... to change for a better future...and why do we feel that we need a determined and definite new year for change? Why can't every morning, every minute, and every second we live be an opportunity for the difference that we feel necessary at that very moment. We make resolutions forseeing our future... and in that we set ourselves up to be let down, to fall off the wagon... to fail. We also justify our fear of change as we provide ourselves opportunities to wait... we can change tomorrow, change next year, or change the year after... because one thing or another was not on our list of resolutions...
And what do these resolutions really provide? A list, a guideline, a roadmap for how we hope our future will turn out? Sure, we think they will help to keep our lives on track, but the quesiton we should really be asking is what track are we being kept on? We follow these resolutions based on how we wanted to be on the first of the year... but two months down the line... how can we say that that want or that need is the same? And if that has changed, can that not be accepted as growth and development instead of a failed resolution?
Everyone looks at the new year as an opportunity to start over... to drop the mistakes and regrets of the past... to begin a new life. What I would beg, however, is that every person treat every day with that same optimism. The new year is not the only moment or opportunity for us to take control of our lives... instead, every moment that we live breathing is a new opportunity for us to live... one that should be noticed, recognized, and taken advantage of. So often we live feeling hopeless and lost in what we do and where we have ended up... waiting for that moment to begin a new... but in that waiting, the only thing we lose is time... is life itself.
Stop looking for roadmaps, signs, lights, arrows, and directions in life. Stop comparing the present to the past in order to determine your future. Start living for today in knowing that the moment that you feel most lost may be the moment that you are most present.. Stop fearing life in fear of losing direction... because if you take each moment as it comes, you can do nothing but live and keep pushing forward... and you're not lost until you stop moving.
Why do we constantly feel the need to judge our past, control our present, and determine our future? Why do we feel that we need a proclamation to make a difference in our lives... to change for a better future...and why do we feel that we need a determined and definite new year for change? Why can't every morning, every minute, and every second we live be an opportunity for the difference that we feel necessary at that very moment. We make resolutions forseeing our future... and in that we set ourselves up to be let down, to fall off the wagon... to fail. We also justify our fear of change as we provide ourselves opportunities to wait... we can change tomorrow, change next year, or change the year after... because one thing or another was not on our list of resolutions...
And what do these resolutions really provide? A list, a guideline, a roadmap for how we hope our future will turn out? Sure, we think they will help to keep our lives on track, but the quesiton we should really be asking is what track are we being kept on? We follow these resolutions based on how we wanted to be on the first of the year... but two months down the line... how can we say that that want or that need is the same? And if that has changed, can that not be accepted as growth and development instead of a failed resolution?
Everyone looks at the new year as an opportunity to start over... to drop the mistakes and regrets of the past... to begin a new life. What I would beg, however, is that every person treat every day with that same optimism. The new year is not the only moment or opportunity for us to take control of our lives... instead, every moment that we live breathing is a new opportunity for us to live... one that should be noticed, recognized, and taken advantage of. So often we live feeling hopeless and lost in what we do and where we have ended up... waiting for that moment to begin a new... but in that waiting, the only thing we lose is time... is life itself.
Stop looking for roadmaps, signs, lights, arrows, and directions in life. Stop comparing the present to the past in order to determine your future. Start living for today in knowing that the moment that you feel most lost may be the moment that you are most present.. Stop fearing life in fear of losing direction... because if you take each moment as it comes, you can do nothing but live and keep pushing forward... and you're not lost until you stop moving.
Friday, December 29, 2006
A Long December
For most, the word December rings memories of snowfall, Christmas, food, family, and the coming of a new year. For most, the word December brings a smile to many faces and warmth in many hearts. For others... we long for the moment when that experience may be our own.
Do you ever wonder why life never fails to distract you with disappointment and dissatisfaction. The moments when you feel you have finally taken steps forward and taken control of your destiny, that distraction is there to remind you that destiny is not something that we will ever have the power to determine. No matter how far we move forward in our lives there will always be instances, like the holidays, that force us to take a step back and look at where we have come from... where we have been. These moments give us the opportunity to look around us and see the people we are with now and those that we have left... see the differences that have been made and those that are still left to be made... see what has been done and what needs to be done...
It's funny the way we get wrapped up in our lives... we are so quick to be able to forget, to block out the things that hold us back or have held us back in the past... we are so quick to move forward... to move on... and although this is important and what point must we reconsider the balance between moving on and allowing ourselves to be moved by the things we run away from? At the same time, however, we must consider the things that we continue to allow to influence our lives that maybe we should completely cut out.... because however much we want to believe that it makes us stronger... maybe our strength is just a front for the weakness we have refused to accept.
Although I'd like to say that this is our only struggle with pride, we have been so jaded by our love for ourselves that we are constantly overshadowed by this ideal image and thus find ways to deny, hide, run from the main faults to our character... to our social development... to others... and most importantly to ourselves....
Recently I've come to realize that some of the people who I once so greatly admired have finally revealed their true character... as we cannot hide beneath our smooth and shiny veneer forever. It made me realize not only how quickly we work to create this facade but also how quickly we are to accept that of others... and although bits of their truth may have come out in the past, we allow the excuses, the lies, and the cover-ups to continue to deny us the freedom to see clearly and honestly through the eyes that we should trust from experience. I'm not suggesting the need to question every character but instead to question ourselves and our own desire to push our picture of perfection.... for the less we lie to others and the less we lie to ourselves can only equal a smaller disappointment when we must finaly come to grips with our true reality...
We always want to believe that whatever our hidden truths are for the betterment of those around us and for the safety and protection of those we love... if we truly loved those around us though we would allow them the ability to experience a full and honest life... exposed to all the truths that they can afford... to know that their life was real, that they were real, and so were you... we only live once and although that life might never amount to the dream we had in our heads at least we won't wake up one morning to find out that our entire past was just a dream... and leaving us to pick up the pieces.
Do you ever wonder why life never fails to distract you with disappointment and dissatisfaction. The moments when you feel you have finally taken steps forward and taken control of your destiny, that distraction is there to remind you that destiny is not something that we will ever have the power to determine. No matter how far we move forward in our lives there will always be instances, like the holidays, that force us to take a step back and look at where we have come from... where we have been. These moments give us the opportunity to look around us and see the people we are with now and those that we have left... see the differences that have been made and those that are still left to be made... see what has been done and what needs to be done...
It's funny the way we get wrapped up in our lives... we are so quick to be able to forget, to block out the things that hold us back or have held us back in the past... we are so quick to move forward... to move on... and although this is important and what point must we reconsider the balance between moving on and allowing ourselves to be moved by the things we run away from? At the same time, however, we must consider the things that we continue to allow to influence our lives that maybe we should completely cut out.... because however much we want to believe that it makes us stronger... maybe our strength is just a front for the weakness we have refused to accept.
Although I'd like to say that this is our only struggle with pride, we have been so jaded by our love for ourselves that we are constantly overshadowed by this ideal image and thus find ways to deny, hide, run from the main faults to our character... to our social development... to others... and most importantly to ourselves....
Recently I've come to realize that some of the people who I once so greatly admired have finally revealed their true character... as we cannot hide beneath our smooth and shiny veneer forever. It made me realize not only how quickly we work to create this facade but also how quickly we are to accept that of others... and although bits of their truth may have come out in the past, we allow the excuses, the lies, and the cover-ups to continue to deny us the freedom to see clearly and honestly through the eyes that we should trust from experience. I'm not suggesting the need to question every character but instead to question ourselves and our own desire to push our picture of perfection.... for the less we lie to others and the less we lie to ourselves can only equal a smaller disappointment when we must finaly come to grips with our true reality...
We always want to believe that whatever our hidden truths are for the betterment of those around us and for the safety and protection of those we love... if we truly loved those around us though we would allow them the ability to experience a full and honest life... exposed to all the truths that they can afford... to know that their life was real, that they were real, and so were you... we only live once and although that life might never amount to the dream we had in our heads at least we won't wake up one morning to find out that our entire past was just a dream... and leaving us to pick up the pieces.
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